Drew Bleeze

I have a confession.

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Don’t say anything stupid

I’m a fantasy football fanatic.

In fantasy football you pretty much manage your own team against other managers in a league for a whole season. The goal: score as many points as you can with the players you have drafted, traded, and picked up in the waiver wire.

It’s kinda like being involved with a real NFL team but not quite corporate. You feel me?

It’s just fun.

The name of my team this year is Drew Bleeze. Why? Obviously because Drew Brees is my QB1 this year. I have a pretty good team. Unfortunately, my season has started off with the wrong starters in some games, narrow losses in other games. Currently, I am 1-4 but I’m only 2 games back of the lead. It appears (knock on wood) that I’m going to win this week, unless I lose to Brandon Marshall scoring 40. If that happened, I wouldn’t even be mad.

Anyways I’ve had many ups and downs this year. My first pick was Adrian Peterson. Yeah. I really wanted Tom Brady as my quarterback this year when he was done serving his suspension. Unfortunately, he got picked right before I could get to him. It’s okay, my back up was Ben Roethlisberger. Too bad he got picked up right before I could get to him too. By the same person. Asshole.

A cool thing about fantasy football is that there are also one week leagues you can play in. Draft Kings and Fanduel are both websites that host weekly leagues you enter with a couple bucks with hopes to win thousands. We’re not gonna get into these leagues. I suck at them.

For future reference, if anyone needs one last player to join their league, 9 out of 10 times I will join your league. I love playing fantasy football. NBA basketball is coming up and you can play fantasy with that as well!

 

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Where’s My Mojo?

There was never a better time in my near-20 year life than when I was 13. Everything was great. I was young. Didn’t have to worry about a damn thing. My family and I would travel often. We visited places like Detroit, Atlanta, and even Toronto. The best AND worst part about it: the van. Who knew the best part about the trip would be a 2003 Chrysler Town and Country?

My family and I nearly lived on the interstate when we traveled. I-75. The drive to Detroit totaled 17+ hours. It’s like taking a plane trip to the other side of the world (which I have done) but being allowed pit stops. One thing that’s better than planes, though, is that we got to choose the movies. Shrek (2001) was a good movie. We also played A Kid in King Arthur’s Court (1995), which was my all-time favorite movie that is about sports.

The whole Austin Powers series is my all-time favorite movie of any category. These movies were probably the most played of all the movies we played. One of the funniest parts is the introductory credits, where the main character Austin Powers walks around a hotel naked for 3 whole minutes. During his naked mile, his private parts were censored the whole time, but in a new way every couple seconds.

 

 

I used to always crack my family up reenacting scenes of Austin Powers. My favorite person to impersonate was Dr. Evil. His trademark was putting his pinky to his mouth, pausing for dramatic effect, and saying something really stupid. This worked out for me because I was exceptionally well at “acting” stupid. One of Dr. Evil’s best lines is when he was frozen and lived to the next century, asking the white house for a million dollars (thinking it was a lot) and got laughed at for the amount being such a small ransom. The ironic part is when he lived in the past he asked the government for a billion dollars and they laughed at him because there wasn’t even a billion dollars in the country.

 

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